Resolving Issues -
the Power in a Different Perspective
Ignore the Instructions
My exclamation was involuntary, "Oh bother!" Actually, those aren't quite the words I used. I'd just dropped my glass shampoo bottle in the shower, and it had shattered!
The tiled floor of the men's shower in the University student building was now covered in broken glass, so I asked someone to stop anyone else cutting their feet, and went to find a broom.
Although the attendant was kind about my stupidity, I felt like a real idiot. Not only because I had dropped the glass bottle, but I'd also ignored the notice. The new notice. The new notice that he'd posted at the entrance to the shower. The one that said "Please avoid breakable glass, use plastic bottles only!"
But I was young, and figured I knew everything - a few months at university had done little but increase my arrogance. Since I didn't drop things, I just knew that it didn't apply to me.
The tiled floor of the men's shower in the University student building was now covered in broken glass, so I asked someone to stop anyone else cutting their feet, and went to find a broom.
Although the attendant was kind about my stupidity, I felt like a real idiot. Not only because I had dropped the glass bottle, but I'd also ignored the notice. The new notice. The new notice that he'd posted at the entrance to the shower. The one that said "Please avoid breakable glass, use plastic bottles only!"
But I was young, and figured I knew everything - a few months at university had done little but increase my arrogance. Since I didn't drop things, I just knew that it didn't apply to me.
But understanding is not real knowing, so I guess I needed to remedy my deficiency! Once I'd broken the glass bottle, I knew that a plastic bottle was better - from experience.
My mind had told me that I knew all about it, yet I didn't follow through. So was it true that I knew? If you really do know, don't you do it?
With this experience, my understanding changed from just knowing about the problem to authentic knowing and I immediately changed my behavior. I have never taken a glass bottle into a shower again.
It was actually funny. I laughed out loud when I remembered this incident and realized how arrogant I'd been when young. The number of times I'd insisted that I did know - even when I didn't. There's an authentic message in that wonderful bumper sticker:
It was actually funny. I laughed out loud when I remembered this incident and realized how arrogant I'd been when young. The number of times I'd insisted that I did know - even when I didn't. There's an authentic message in that wonderful bumper sticker:
Hire a teenager - while they think they know it all!
Many years ago, I used to think that the logic of all my thoughts was irresistible. Once I’d learned anything about a subject, no matter how little, I became rather opinionated in thinking I knew it all. Okay, okay, I admit it - I used to be very opinionated.Everybody Thinks They Know
"All my mistakes have made me an expert in overcoming self-sabotage and the stress it causes," I explained years later to a friend. "So I write about them both. Yet the problem is that people actively seeking to stop their self-sabotage seem to be rather limited. How do I find them?"
I had no immediate answer to this seemingly sensible advice. Verne thought he had made a valid suggestion, but had instead demonstrated a profound ignorance of wisdom.
Do I have experience in overcoming self-sabotage and stress? Yes indeed, I’ve had lots - lots - of practice! It's the changes that experience brings which have made me more effective. But those experiences do not necessarily translate to everything else. They actually have little to do with being effective at anything else...
We all know of politicians who insist their policies are working while continuing to ignore the evidence of failure all around them. Their thoughts - just like yours - do seem completely rational. That's why "being right" is such a common disease!
As a teenager, I didn’t understand this perspective at all. Many people don't! They think that because their bodies have grown up, they automatically acquire both adult perspectives and wisdom in the process!
Take Responsibility for Your Issues
Do you want to really resolve an issue? I mean so it's completely cleared up and is no longer a problem. Then take responsibility for it! Which means taking 100% responsibility for your part in what has happened. For your actions, as well as your lack of action. Just say, I am responsible!
Remember, even though your part in it may be tiny, you did contribute in some way. Either through your actions, or perhaps simply through inaction. So even if you've done nothing to cause the situation directly, you still have some responsibility in the matter.
Believe it or not, this is good news, for with responsibility comes personal power. Until you take responsibility, then you have no power to change the situation. So accept your responsibility in the matter, then you start affecting it!
Remember, even though your part in it may be tiny, you did contribute in some way. Either through your actions, or perhaps simply through inaction. So even if you've done nothing to cause the situation directly, you still have some responsibility in the matter.
Believe it or not, this is good news, for with responsibility comes personal power. Until you take responsibility, then you have no power to change the situation. So accept your responsibility in the matter, then you start affecting it!
Why you Stress
One cause of stress is thinking that something should not be the way it is. But reality is the way it is - so accepting reality as it is right now is a big key to reducing stress. This is not to say that you may not be able to change things in the future, in the next second, or hour, or week, or year... but right now things are the way they are. There's tremendous power in acceptance.
I used to stress over so many things. Other people's comments and opinions, their disapproval of my actions, my desire for their approval, whether they returned my phone call, my weight, my body, ... I used to be incredibly over-sensitive!
Yet everyone's mind tells them their current thoughts are right. Although they usually have only read or thought about it, rather than experiencing it for themselves. But without experience you just think you know. Without being in someone else's shoes, you only understand. This means that casual understanding, knowing about something is very different to authentic knowledge.
So nowadays I simply ask myself why someone might think the way they think. Investigation will sometimes let me work out where they're coming from. Then I do what I can to improve the situation.
I used to stress over so many things. Other people's comments and opinions, their disapproval of my actions, my desire for their approval, whether they returned my phone call, my weight, my body, ... I used to be incredibly over-sensitive!
Yet everyone's mind tells them their current thoughts are right. Although they usually have only read or thought about it, rather than experiencing it for themselves. But without experience you just think you know. Without being in someone else's shoes, you only understand. This means that casual understanding, knowing about something is very different to authentic knowledge.
So nowadays I simply ask myself why someone might think the way they think. Investigation will sometimes let me work out where they're coming from. Then I do what I can to improve the situation.
A New Perspective may initially seem wrong
You know what you know. A very obvious statement. Yet the other side of this same statement is - You don't know what you don't know! And the implications are tremendous. To become more effective you need to find out what you don't know.
So rather than thinking that you know all there is to know, you need to be willing to accept that your current perspective may be limited. Remember:
So rather than thinking that you know all there is to know, you need to be willing to accept that your current perspective may be limited. Remember:
The power to improve all aspects of your situation comes in learning new perspectives!
You only get to understand a new perspective when you are willing, temporarily, to abandon your current one. For now, you have to give up being right. Not for ever, just for now. Be willing to be open-minded and see where it goes, even when it seems ridiculous or stupid. Especially when it seems just plain wrong!
The Power of Thoughts
Your thoughts can be very stressful, do you believe all of them? It can be tempting to think your thoughts are infallible, but which thoughts should you believe? The simple answer is none of them! Whenever you believe something without checking it out, you are vulnerable to being deceived.
There's a word for someone who believes everything without checking it out for themselves: - gullible. You probably know this already, but you're perhaps not aware that this also applies to the thoughts your mind gives you. Remember, you're not your mind - you're you - and your mind is simply the part of you that you use to think, in the same way that your body is the part of you that you use to carry you around.
When hijacked by the self-sabotage mechanism, the mind will give you all sorts of negative thoughts. When you automatically believe its thoughts, they can be very stressful. Believing something without taking the time to think it through is the very definition of being gullible!
The key to becoming more effective is to stop believing your mind implicitly. Explore the more stressful thoughts to see which ones are proven true and which ones are not. What's the point of believing the dubious ones? How about the obviously untrue ones?
If you stop believing your mind, then you'll find that the untruths and the half truths it gives you don't matter, and your stress will subside. Then you'll be more content with yourself and the way your life is unfolding. Remember, when you don't mind it doesn't matter. So learn how not to mind!
There's a word for someone who believes everything without checking it out for themselves: - gullible. You probably know this already, but you're perhaps not aware that this also applies to the thoughts your mind gives you. Remember, you're not your mind - you're you - and your mind is simply the part of you that you use to think, in the same way that your body is the part of you that you use to carry you around.
When hijacked by the self-sabotage mechanism, the mind will give you all sorts of negative thoughts. When you automatically believe its thoughts, they can be very stressful. Believing something without taking the time to think it through is the very definition of being gullible!
The key to becoming more effective is to stop believing your mind implicitly. Explore the more stressful thoughts to see which ones are proven true and which ones are not. What's the point of believing the dubious ones? How about the obviously untrue ones?
If you stop believing your mind, then you'll find that the untruths and the half truths it gives you don't matter, and your stress will subside. Then you'll be more content with yourself and the way your life is unfolding. Remember, when you don't mind it doesn't matter. So learn how not to mind!
Transcend, rather than accept or reject
You move forward neither by completely rejecting the old, nor the new. You transcend by going beyond. Some parts of your old perspective contains much of value that you will wish to retain, they served you well.
But everybody likes being right. You hang on tenaciously to your old beliefs whether they serve you or not. Perhaps because you do not want to make yourself wrong them by rejecting them completely.
Your self-sabotage mechanism may pretend that you must totally accept - or totally reject - the old. But such thoughts are pure self-sabotage. Despite such misleading beliefs, that is not the only choice you have.
You transcend when you enlarge. Your transcended perspective is enlarged by combining the best of the new as well as the best of the old.
Create a Larger Perspective
Your new understanding enables you to review your current viewpoint and see which parts no longer work. You do not have to reject everything in order to move past the ineffective parts. You modify and make it work better. You integrate the new with the old to come up with a wider perspective. You realize that your old perspective was not wrong, just incomplete.
Once you've understood a new different perspective, you can decide what is right for you now. So contemplate, reflect on your new understandings. Re-examine your conclusions - thinking for yourself enables you to stop giving your power away. Choose which is right for you now:
Once you've understood a new different perspective, you can decide what is right for you now. So contemplate, reflect on your new understandings. Re-examine your conclusions - thinking for yourself enables you to stop giving your power away. Choose which is right for you now:
- Your original viewpoint
- The new viewpoint, or
- Integrating both to arrive at another yet higher perspective
Contemplate to arrive at a wider, more effective, perspective. Then your transcended perspective is the most powerful that you currently know about. This exploration also enlarges your personal power. Then you produce both more desirable results - as well as less stress.
Your next step
You benefit in so many ways when you reduce the influence of self-sabotage on your life. So bookmark this page and keep exploring, it's totally free of charge.
If you want to start out slowly, then What You Resist, Persists is for you. This dynamic Special Report introduces the concepts needed to overcome self-sabotage and its exercises enable you to start developing the necessary skills.
If you're stressing right now, and wish to reduce your stress, then this page will give you instant results - guaranteed! Don't miss out, check it out! :-)
If you're serious about becoming more effective, you need to invest both time and energy to find out how. This lighthearted yet exhilarating book explaining self-sabotage will give you the necessary skills:
If you want to start out slowly, then What You Resist, Persists is for you. This dynamic Special Report introduces the concepts needed to overcome self-sabotage and its exercises enable you to start developing the necessary skills.
If you're stressing right now, and wish to reduce your stress, then this page will give you instant results - guaranteed! Don't miss out, check it out! :-)
If you're serious about becoming more effective, you need to invest both time and energy to find out how. This lighthearted yet exhilarating book explaining self-sabotage will give you the necessary skills:
Food for Thought
"Character isn't inherited.
One builds it daily by the way one thinks and acts, thought by thought, action by action.
Helen Douglas (1900-1980), American actress, opera singer, and politician