Do you have the time you need to enjoy life as well as your achievements? This is not asking about realizing your goals, I'm talking about doing, having, and enjoying what you really, really want.
Everybody has exactly twenty-four hours a day. Some people enjoy their life and yet more do not. Most work hard to earn the money they think their life needs, and then don't have the time to enjoy it. Many seem to think they don't have enough money, and so don't enjoy the money they do have.
But there are people who enjoy their lives even though they may have less money than you. How come? That's the benefit of overcoming self sabotage you're here to discover ...
Twenty of the More Common Ways to Sabotage Yourself
There are an infinite number of ways in which self sabotage affects you, your relationships, and your success. Here are a few of the more common, one or two of which you may recognize. But if your self-sabotage mechanism is functioning normally, you probably don't know much about the enormous effect it's having, let alone how much eliminating self sabotage can radically improve your life. Note that children are a special case, much of this site is only addressed to adults.
Most of these strategies are far more easily seen in others. If so, ask someone you trust, perhaps your young child or your partner, if any apply to you. But since the truth can be uncomfortable, first commit to not get upset and not to take it out on them. Unwillingness to do this is, of course, also self sabotage! But you generally know when something is not working well for you. If you're not getting the results which you know you should, then some form of self sabotage is probably involved somewhere along the line!
Acting Without Integrity You rationalize otherwise unacceptable behavior by telling yourself: the end justify the means. Yet to believe this is to follow Adolf Hitler in Nazi Germany who championed this profoundly mistaken idea. To rationalize is to tell rational lies! Even though you know you should do something, you still Don't Do It Not doing what works also includes the converse - doing things which experience tells you do not work for you. You Want More Time for yourself, Yet Decline to Do Anything Realistic about it You're overworked, yet you feel that you have no choice, you must do what you're doing. But that very thought is pure self sabotage. You always have a choice, which of course has consequences. The consequence of this particular untrue thought is severe overwork. Crucial advice: When you're in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop digging! Allowing Others to Run Your Life Someone close insists that they know better than you how you should run your life so, despite your misgivings, you go along with them for the sake of peace and quiet. Pure self sabotage.
"I'm Right, So You Must Be Wrong!" You know that you're right and therefore anyone disagreeing with you must be wrong! But this is not thinking straight, you're simply ignoring their context - which is always different to yours! You automatically Believe Your Thoughts You think that because a thought appears in your mind, it's your thought and so it must be true. Yet some thoughts, including this one, come from the self sabotage mechanism. This is being gullible. You Break your Word You're watching the news when your young child wants to talk, so you tell her "later." But when she come back later, you still refuse her. Your failure teaches her that lying is okay, yet you complain if she follows your example.
Even worse, you want a good relationship with her, but your broken promise tells her that the news is more important to you than she is! Yes, But ... This common phrase enables you to rationalize anything. Whenever you react with a reason that discounts the truth in another's logic, that though comes from the self-sabotage mechanism. Expecting Perfection Failure is just part of learning. FAIL stands for First Attempts In Learning. Finding out what doesn't work is an important part of finding out what does. How can you learn what works without gaining experience of what doesn't? Do As I Say, Not As I Do You tell other people they should do something, because you think it's a Good Thing. Yet you rationalize (tell yourself rational lies) why this does not apply to you to avoid doing it yourself. You Believe only Carefully Selected Evidence You decide you already know "the truth." To maintain your pretense of rationality to yourself, you only look at evidence which supports your view, no matter how flimsy. And you totally ignore all evidence to the contrary, no matter how abundant.
Emotional Defending Rather than explaining why you hold a viewpoint rationally, you heatedly defend it emotionally. But emotional defenses are generally only used because you cannot see that it makes any real sense. Maybe because you haven't yet investigated it to see if it really is worthy of being your truth...
Answering a Different Question to the one actually asked You change the question subtly before answering, then think you've answered it. But you've ducked the original question. This is more easily seen in other people - such as politicians - than in yourself.
Being Untruthful for the Sake Of Peace And Quiet One client altered the word 'erotic' in a letter to avoid confrontation with her jealous partner. Yet although innocently done, how can a lie ever lead to authentic long-term peace?
"I Don't Have The Time" You say, "I don't have the time," or "I can't afford it," or "I'm bad at remembering names." And this is true. But you have created this situation for yourself! It's true because you have made it true, not because it necessarily has to be true. The secret of success is to ask yourself: "How can I find the time?" or "How can I afford it?"
You're Not Really Fit and Healthy You pretend you're interested in being healthy, yet you don't exercise enough. You say that exercise doesn't appeal to you, and eating and drinking in moderation is sufficient, although you know it isn't. Laziness is indeed self sabotage, although sooo easily rationalized! Trash-talking to yourself: "I'm a No-Good, Useless, fill in the blank…" What do you say to yourself if you lose or fail? Do you beat yourself up for not doing something correctly? Tell yourself you are a total failure? But if it doesn't feel good, how can it be good foryou? Very obvious self sabotage!
"I'll Have Just One More Drink" You persuade yourself, "Just one more drink can't hurt me." Even though you know that one more can become several and you'll feel terrible the following morning. Why be so unkind to yourself?
Talk Yourself Out Of Attempting Something Desirable You persuade yourself to pass on a desirable task. You tell yourself that it is just too difficult, or the results are not guaranteed, or you don't really want it, or that it wasn't viable anyway … Denying the Obvious Although the point being made is painfully obvious, you deny it, often because you're being right, your agreement might invalidate your original perspective.
Yes . . . but What Do I Do?
"Okay, I can see I do sometimes self sabotage," I hear you saying, "But - what do I do?" Good question! There's a little-understood - yet highly effective - two step process to get you from where you are now to where you really want to be, no matter where that is:
This is not telling you what to do, it's instead telling you to do what works for you! And it's your job, your responsibility to determine what works for you! The little understood yet crucial difference between these two - telling you what to do, and encouraging you to do what works - is enormous. Contemplate this impressive distinction, learn to come up with your own answers, and you'll drastically change your life!
Now your self-sabotage mechanism may tell you this is trivial, or obvious. Or get you to think that there's not much difference between these two - which just tells you how much effect it has on your life.
If you do get this thought, then say to yourself, "I know I don't know the difference between the two, but if I did know, what would it be?" Then stop thinking, and let the white wolf, your intuition tell you!
What is Life Strategies?
Life Strategies is the twenty-first century replacement for the common, two thousand year old, helpful yet well-worn Socratic coaching methodology.
Our cutting edge, highly effective methodology is not taught in schools, and universities. Which is why brand-new graduates need to learn the ropes before they're of much use to the companies hiring them! The young often seem to think that knowing about something is just as good as real hands-on experience. We don't waste time rehashing the past, nor do we focus on what you should or should not do this week. Our focus is simple - for you to choose what works for you! This is a very significant, yet little understood difference.
What's so different about Life Strategies? Our empirical, heuristic program emphasizes overcoming your self sabotage experientially because the most effective way to get long-term results is to give you experience in solving your own problems. So:
we don't fish for you
we don't tell you how you should fish
we don't supervise and hold your hand while you fish
we just teach you to fish!
How to Enjoy Your Life more
Need to see more? Then check out these five great reasons to overcome your self sabotage. Why should you act right now? so you can enjoy these eight enormous benefits to overcoming self sabotage today. You've just had a very brief introduction to the enormous problem of self sabotage. But your self sabotage mechanism has enormous experience - and an endless number of strategies. So the decisive questions to ask yourself now are: Do I ever self sabotage? Is learning how to overcome it the crucial secret of success?
Self sabotage has a major effect on all our lives. It's easily seen in other people, but very difficult to see your own. But you can see its results! You end up in undesirable situations and it can even make it difficult to enjoy circumstances you do want.
If you're serious about gaining your freedom from self sabotage, then you need to make a modest investment of time and money to find out how. This lighthearted yet exhilarating book will give you the necessary skills: