This site is all about improving your life by overcoming your self sabotage. We all have two wolves living inside us, and self sabotage results from following the black wolf. When you discover how to listen to the white wolf instead, it'll change your life!
If you've searched on change my life or how to improve then you're very welcome, there's lots to discover here! There are popular search terms at Google to improve virtually anything and change your life. They include your credit score, memory, handwriting, flexibility, eyesight, self-esteem...
> To Improve - Learn the Rules of the Game
Just like any game, there are a few simple rules to improving anything. Once you understand the rules, you can apply them to virtually anything you desire. So rather than focusing on just one issue, learn the rules! Then you can improve whatever will change your life.
Let's start by looking at some common sense issues to overcome more serious self sabotage. If there's another person, or a company involved, put yourself in their shoes. Pretend you are coming from the other side of the negotiation table, pretend you are him/her.
> Your Credit Score
Let's suppose you want to improve your credit score. If you don't have one yet then get, use, and repay the entire monthly balance on a credit card.
Ask yourself what you would want to see if someone needed a loan and requested you to advance them the money.
You'd want your money back, of course. So you need to let them know you have enough disposable income to repay the loan. If your income doesn't vary much, this may mean you need to lower your expenses... If the loan is for an investment, you need to show how the loan will be repaid with the income generated. You need to show you are repaying your previous loans. If you have a bad credit rating now, then start clearing it up, get and then follow the advice of an expert.
> Your Memory
Perhaps you want to improve your memory. Yet do you realize it's easier to remember what happened when you have only told one version of events - the truth. It's amazing how many people spin the truth, distort what happened to look good, or tell outright lies because they think nobody will ever find out. But you know. This confusingly gives you multiple versions to remember, rather than just what happened. You must also know that one lie leads to a thousand others to back it up. Then you're into a web of deceit and eventually you won't remember who you told what. Could this be why many people have such poor memories? Your memory will vastly improve when you only tell the truth.
> Your Handwriting, Relationships, Flexibility . . .
To improve any ability or skill, then you need to practice, to put time into it. You need experience - practice makes perfect.
You want to improve your handwriting? then practice. You want to improve your relationship with your daughter? then put more time into being her friend rather than laying down the law as a parent. You want to improve your flexibility? then put time into stretching each day, take regular yoga lessons. Just do it!
Realize that any skill is rather like getting and staying fit. You can't delegate your exercise, you have to put the effort in yourself. You want better posture, better eyesight, better whatever? Then put time and energy into it on a regular basis. Your eyes have muscles, and although you know you need to exercise your body to get fit, do you ever exercise your eye muscles?
> Your Self-Esteem
Poor self-esteem means you don't feel good about yourself. Maybe your parents told you you're no good at anything, and you believed them. So stop believing anyone! Although everyone wants you to believe them, you need to put in the effort to know anything authentically.
Believing just gives away your power, so we don't believe in believing. Rather find out for yourself! Adopt a skeptical attitude to start with: maybe yes, maybe no. This also includes everything your black wolf tells you... Until you have found out for certain, be happy to tell the truth: "I just don't know yet."
To improve your self-esteem, you need to feel better about yourself. So tell the truth, keep your promises, do whatever you say you'll do, cease pretending to anybody, and keep working on your faults.
> Why aren't you doing it all?
Although you probably know all this, you're not doing it. Why? What could the reason be? You know you should do this, or not do that, yet you ignore your truth. This is called self sabotage. And the obvious next question is, why do people self sabotage?
American Cherokee Indians say that everybody has two wolves inside them. A white wolf and a black wolf. The white wolf's job is to help you succeed, the black wolf's job is to bring you what you don't want. You've been feeding both throughout your life, and food makes them more powerful. How big is your black wolf? How many of your decisions will you allow your self sabotage mechanism to make for you today?
The good and evil parts of your personality enable you to experience the different sides of any issue, so neither is wrong. But actions have consequences, and some circumstances are more desirable than others. And some experiences are more arduous. To have more desirable consequences, only follow the white wolf! Since you'd never listen to the black wolf if it told you the truth, it lies. It deceives you with half-truths, blames others, manipulates you, gets you emotionally worked up about what it sees as unfair. It pretends that black is white, says "you should" and "she must", insists its position is right, persuades you to judge, etc., etc, . . .
Get your Own Experience
A misleading part of the black wolf's strategy is to persuade you that believing is knowing. But is it? You may understand when someone else explains, but that's not experience! You need to invest your own time and energy to move from just understanding to genuine, reality-based, authentic knowing.
I've walked on fire with Anthony Robbins' organization seven times. Recently a man said he knows all about it, how they do it. So I asked if he'd done the fire-walk. No he hadn't, he replied. Do you have any experience of what happens? Again no. Then why are you telling me you know how they do it when you haven't done it yourself? Sheepishly, he then realized that he didn't know, he just thought he did!
This is the black wolf in action. It'll tell you that you already know when you don't. It'll deny that experience is necessary, despite the words of experts who say that real know-how comes only from experience.
How do I Change my Life?
Give yourself more personal power! Then you have more power for what you want to improve. But how? Enhance your perspective, where you come from when you do what you do. When you make your context more powerful, that improvement affects everything you do.
Three things determine your effectiveness, the results you enjoy in life: your thoughts, words, and your deeds. All three are important and contribute to your current and future circumstances. They all have power - determined by how strong you've made them in the past!
You give power to your thoughts by ensuring they are consistent, compatible with your goals and follow the Golden Rule. When you think about doing unto others only what you would have them do unto you, then your thoughts have compassion and integrity. Your words have power when they are true. And when they are proven true by your actions. If you don't follow through, your words are proven false. And there's no power in falsehood. Each time you say something that is not true either now and later, you diminish the power in your word. Your words also need integrity. Deeds are very powerful. Actions demonstrate your power to the world. Promises are even stronger - keeping commitments increases your inner power. Not doing what you've said you'll do shows lack of integrity.
Mind you, there's nothing wrong with lack of integrity. Although integrity enhances personal power, there's no problem if you're weak, and willing to remain weak. But if you do want to change your life, then you need more integrity. So increase the power in your thoughts, your words, and in your deeds!
Food for Thought
"Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
Walter Anderson, 1885-1862, German writer, University Professor