"This I know - that I know nothing."Stop letting your self-sabotage mechanism pretend it's you and you have no option but to obey. When you stop feeding the black wolf, it will snap and snarl for a while. Ignore it, there's joy in realizing you can and do run your life. The know-how you're getting here - learning how to overcome your dark side - brings tremendous joy.
He's given himself the experience yet declines to learn the lesson: Deception and untruth have little inner power. Why? because they are not based in reality. Only reality is real, how can anything that is not real have the power of truth?
"The petty man is eager to make boasts, yet desires that others should believe in him. He enthusiastically engages in deception, yet wants others to have affection for him. He conducts himself like an animal, yet wants others to think well of him."
- Xun Zi, architect of (Chinese) Confucian philosophy, circa 310-220 BCE.