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Overcome your Self Sabotage!
How I ruined a new relationship...
Sarah is available and very attractive, you'll love her, said Helen as she wrote down her sister's telephone number. Helen was my personal assistant, she knew we were both available and interested in a new relationship.
"The weather forecast is superb over the next few days," I said when I called Sarah that evening, "Do you have a bike? Shall we go for a bike ride this weekend?" That sounds lovely, she replied, happily accepting a ride as our first date.
The weather was perfect, warm and sunny and Sarah was indeed very attractive. We rode through the park along the path next to the river, and then enjoyed the picnic I had brought for lunch on a grass bank.
"The weather forecast is superb over the next few days," I said when I called Sarah that evening, "Do you have a bike? Shall we go for a bike ride this weekend?" That sounds lovely, she replied, happily accepting a ride as our first date.
The weather was perfect, warm and sunny and Sarah was indeed very attractive. We rode through the park along the path next to the river, and then enjoyed the picnic I had brought for lunch on a grass bank.
After our delicious meal we continued riding along the river. Then it came time to say goodbye. She'd enjoyed herself and I could see she'd like to get together again. She put her bike on its stand so she was free to enjoy a kiss and a hug.
But I was upset she'd ducked my earlier advance, so I ignored her silent invitation. I kept my bike between us as we chatted, but I made no further arrangements to see her. I neither phoned nor saw her ever again.
If I'd kissed her when she was willing, who knows what would have happened? I wanted romance, she was willing, beautiful and available, but my self sabotage ensured we both missed out!
Stop Believing your Thoughts!
We all have a self-sabotage mechanism - it's one of the Cherokee Indians' wolves. Mine used to insist revenge is justified. If I dislike something you do, then I should do the same to you so you can find out what it feels like. We like to think we do what works, yet we all have false beliefs which don't give us what we want. That's what happened here.
Looking back at this incident, I definitely missed out. Sarah was willing for romance, I wanted her yet I refused her invitation! Believing your self-sabotage mechanism's thoughts leads to big problems and accepting them without question has caused me to behave very peculiarly. If you're not getting all the results you want, then you also need to learn how to stop automatically believing your thoughts!
Now I don't imagine you would ever follow me, you're not stupid, why would you repeat actions with undesirable consequences? But do you ever automatically believe your thoughts simply because they're yours? Have you ever vehemently disagreed with a colleague bringing tension rather than cooperation? Or argued with your lover when you really wanted to cuddle instead? ...
If any of this seems familiar, then you need to stop being gullible. You can do something about being misled by your self-sabotage mechanism - discover the joy in overcoming your self-sabotage.
Overcome your Self Sabotage
Overcoming your self-sabotage mechanism is probably the most rewarding challenge of all. You'll enjoy having the real freedom to choose - you end up with more appealing consequences!
You need to invest your energy to discover how to be more creative, how to be free to produce what you desire. You need to improve your context - where you come from when you do what you do - so you become more effective at doing what works. Which means increasing your inner power.
Everybody self sabotages. Your self-sabotage mechanism works non-stop bringing you difficult circumstances, so you will really appreciate better ones when they arrive. To completely know something, you need to experience its very opposite.
This means there's nothing wrong with self sabotage, even though it gives you undesirable results. As Pulitzer Prize-winning author and publisher Arianna Huffington perceptively realized:
"We need to accept that ... failure is not the opposite
of success,
it's part of success."
The Secret of Success is to Start Now
You're not gullible. You wouldn't believe me if I pretended that overcoming your self sabotage doesn't take work. And we don't believe in believing anyway! Achieving success means you always have challenges to surmount. It takes work and experience to become wise, but wisdom has its own rewards.
It's sort of like starting a diet or getting fit, you're better off not procrastinating. So don't believe your mind's misleading promises, or allow its valid but irrelevant objections to sidetrack your efforts, you want the long-term joy only found in truth, freedom, and real success.
Although going downhill is easier, the view from the top of the mountain is far better. The uphill path is more effort, but eventually you'll make the climb - so don't make your journey harder by going downhill first! Be willing to pay the price as soon as the opportunity presents itself and start right now.
Food for Thought
”I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.”
Aristotle, 384-322 BCE, Greek philosopher, logician, teacher of Alexander the Great
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